Wednesday, April 16, 2008

A moment to breathe!

The gentleman I was supposed to have lunch with today had to reschedule for tomorrow and I’m ashamed to say I’m relieved! An annoying voice in my head is saying “you’ll never make it in this industry with that kind of attitude!” Whatever. It’s not like I’m the one who cancelled. I’m just really exhausted. It’s been a week since my boyfriend, who drove out here with me, flew home; it’s a weird feeling – this week has been hectic and flown by, but when it comes to him, I’m longing to be with him again, as if we’ve been apart for far longer.

My roommate says time does seem to go by quicker out here and that a month feels like a week. “This town just takes so much effort.” I said to her this morning. “You have no idea.” She replied. “Just wait till you really have to start driving all over… It’s like a commute from Toledo to Cleveland or Columbus and back every single day.”

I came out here to work hard. What I’m trying to describe is how the daily things in life that are usually second nature or no big deal are a pain in the ass out here! I’m the kind of person who will never go out in public unless I look a certain way, but out here I feel an even greater pressure to look impressive. Then there’s the fact that you have to leave a minimum of an hour early to get just about anywhere. I’m sure once I can actually unpack my clothes and I get to know the area better it will become easier, but right now every little thing is really draining.

I’m in a really wonderful relationship; back in Ohio we were pathetically codependent! I think a big part of what’s zapping my energy is not having the literal, physical support that I’m used to. It absolutely sucks not to have his arms to fall into at the end of a long day or have someone to call to pick something up at the store on their way home. It’s a serious adjustment getting used to doing every little thing for myself again.

Alrighty… now that I’ve made myself cry I need to go fix my makeup again then go buy some CD-Rs, burn all my professional images on to one and take it to my ageant's crummy office which is only 5 miles, but like 40 minutes away…


Zaina Marie said...

Here's a hug...
It'll get better!

Anonymous said...


btw...I LOVE YOU


Anonymous said...

Thanks Z! :)

And see... Total codependence, especially when it comes to my spelling skills! LOL!

Thanks baby. Love you too.