Sunday, April 19, 2009

Stalling: On the tram and in my decision making

As predicted, it happened, I was evaluated yesterday at work! I don't know how I snuck under the radar for so long; everyone else in my class was evaluated last summer. Anyway, it happened during my second tour. Now that I think about it, it may have been longer than five months since I'd worked a normal tram tour. In October I think I only did the Halloween Horror Tours and I don't recall if I had any shifts in November...

Anyway, I knew the evaluator was on my tram from the beginning and I'm surprised it didn't throw me off much at all. That's likely because I was so focused on doing my job well for the sake of the guests, since it had been so long. Of course, at the transition between the front and back lots I encountered a huge stall! A tram was disabled on an attraction ahead of me. It was pretty rough, probably five minutes of just sitting in an very uninteresting part of the lot with not much to look at or talk about, but I got through it. Then coming out of what we call Park Lake/Skull Island/Red Sea the tram almost got stuck in the water. It took a couple minutes of chugging and revving and wheel whining...

Despite the technical difficulties, my evaluator's verbal comments after the tour were very positive. She realized I hadn't worked in forever and thought I handled the stalls well. She called me charming several times! However, I could get nailed on her written form for two content errors I made... Some picture cars from recent filming were sitting out, specifically two Fairview police cars. I said they were from Ghost Whisperer. Nope! The town in that show is Grandview, whereas Fairview is from Desperate Housewives. She said it was an easy mistake, but I know it's a mistake nonetheless. I also confused Andre the Giant for Lou Ferigno in a clip from the Six Million Dollar Man. It's a big deal because if any guests caught those errors then they might think everything I said was bullshit. I'll get a score on her written paperwork sometime in the next thirty days. Based on all her positive feedback, I'm not concerned about it being problematic, which I believe is anything under 80 out of 100.

I was relieved to have my first evaluation finally out of the way, but the tours didn't get any better the rest of the day. This was hands down the most difficult day of tramming I've ever had and not just because I hadn't worked recently. I had several things happen to me today for the first time ever. My third tour sat on the dock of the Jaws animation for ten minutes waiting for it to work. I told them, "they say in Hollywood that you should never work with children or animals, and this is why...!" The Mummy animation didn't work correctly for that tour either. I had never had an animation breakdown before; two in one tour was baptism by fire. My fourth tour was plagued with stalls throughout and we had to stop and restart the tram at one point because the driver was concerned about a light that wasn't supposed to be on. It never went off and the whole time he acted as if it was going to breakdown at any minute.

It was a very hot, exhausting day. I got back to my apartment and literally did nothing. There was nothing good on TV, and feeling very sorry for myself, I satisfied a craving for Taco Bell and ate it. Alone. On a Saturday night. On my living room floor. It is ridiculous how pathetic and lonely I feel.

As I've mentioned before, it's like a yo-yo. My interview went well Friday, by the way. It really wasn't much of an interview since they'd screened me over the phone. I wasn't asked much; rather the company was explained to me and I was invited to three days of training next week. It's a sales position, so not everyone will make it through the training. I was surprised the area the office is in was nicer than I imagined. I found myself daydreaming about finding an apartment there and making great money. But the available units in my price range have turned out to be classic Craigslist scams.

Failed scheduling attempts to show my apartment to a potential roommate proved extremely frustrating Friday afternoon. Then last night the issue of my teeth came to me again in a different way, a way that made sense. I've been so consumed with trying to sort out what is logical and what is just an excuse not to try as hard as I should be trying, but last night the teeth thing cleared itself from that confusion. It has to be done. Period.

My clarity then yo-yoed back to torment when I got to work yesterday morning. My job is the best part of my life here. It's amazing! I was on famous sets four times yesterday. Where were you? As much as I love my guy and friends and family in Ohio, there's nothing there for me anymore. Monday I'm going to the red carpet premier of The Soloist. (I won't be on the red carpet, but I'm seeing the film at Paramount for free.) I can go to the beach and touch the ocean whenever I want! (I never do, but I could.) This is the best place in the world to be to do what I have always dreamed of doing. (I'm not really doing it yet, but I will!) I don't want to demean anyone who's reading this and supporting me, but yesterday at work as I looked out over the Valley, the beautiful mountains in the distance and the Warner Brothers studio beneath us, I felt sick to my stomach at the idea of driving my car back to Ohio. I will die of boredom is I'm back there for a year or two.

I feel equally sick to my stomach as I sit in my apartment. I am dieing of loneliness and dwelling on my dental damnation.

I feel sick to my stomach all the freaking time.

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