Wednesday, May 21, 2008

I hate karaoke and other negative sentiments

I try to stay positive and upbeat, honest I do, but sometimes…

Yesterday was crazy – I had rehearsal first thing in the morning, followed by a brief moment to get my things together before an audition. Then I killed a little bit of time in a coffee shop because it didn’t make sense to drive back to my place before my acting class…

After class, I was talked into going to a karaoke night. UHG!

“But you’re a singer?” You’re all thinking, with confusion.

Yes, I’m a singer but I loath karaoke because of that fact! #1. I’m classically trained which means I can not sing most of what is played on the radio and in a karaoke book. #2. When people know you’re “a singer” the increased expectation of how you’ll do is awful. #3. I can never hear myself or the right pitch when I’m trying to sing to the horrible digital accompaniment. I could go on and on… It just doesn’t fit my performance style. I’m too much or an uppity perfectionist to be able to let loose and enjoy karaoke.

I thought about all of this as we stood on the street making plans after the acting class. I was so tired; I won’t consume a drop of alcohol if I’m driving myself, in addition to the fact that I’m lacking in funds and not about to waste them on booze or bar food; the place was in Korea town, which I haven’t heard great things about; oh yeah, and I hate karaoke. BUT – aside from all of that – I knew I’d feel ten times worse if I went back to my apartment. I know I need to make some damn friends.

So I found myself at a place called the Brass Monkey! I was so relieved to walk in to some of the worst singing I’d ever heard! I decided to sing “Love Song” by Sarah Berallis, a current hit. I thought it was a good choice for me – I totally nail it when I sing along to the radio. LOL!

Why do I do this to myself? I knew better!

It was a disaster. As usual, popular songs I can sing to on the radio feel way to low for my soprano voice when I try to sing them solo. Then you’re mind goes from “Crap! This is way too low for me” to “OMG – what if I’m just totally off pitch!” Luckily the group of people I was with were so cool, but I was totally embarrassed.

The rest of the night was a lot of fun and despite my throat hurting today from trying to talk over the music, and singing along with half the songs, I’m glad I went out… That is until I returned to my apartment at 2 a.m. to remember that my roommate’s mom had gotten into town!

I had flown out the door to my audition yesterday, leaving the ironing board set up, my bed unmade, my bathroom a disaster… I know I shouldn’t care what people think of me, but I really don’t want my roommate’s mom to think I’m crazy, messy or irresponsible.

Today all I had was a rehearsal from 2 to 4. It was an exasperating waste of time – but that’s another post. So I’m in one of those moods. I just don’t feel like doing anything, I’m stressed about money, I’m tired, my face is broken out, I’m lonely… But I hate just vegging out in front of other people, especially someone else’s mom, it makes me feel like a total loser.

I realize the correct verbiage is, I make myself feel like a total loser. I don’t know what she thinks of me, and again, I shouldn’t care.

My roommate’s working tonight and her mom is here organizing her things. Ah! Wait – there it is – a positive realization! While it would be nice if my parents visited and did my laundry, that’s not going to happen, and that gives me the right to have a shitty day and lay on my love seat and watch my TV!!!

Actually, I have to go to the grocery…
but you know what I mean!

No comments: