Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Worse than I imagined!

Coming back to LA after two weeks home was far more difficult than the sadness of taking my significant other to the airport at the end of his visits.

I really can not manage to pull myself out of bed; I would if I had to, but I don’t. It’s so frustrating… While I was visiting home I missed the callback to co-host the PBS kids show, a direct request to audition for a film from a casting director I met in acting class, two free acting classes, unpaid extra work in a feature film and five work shifts!

You can say "meant to be/ not meant to be" about the acting stuff, so it’s actually the work shifts that I’m most upset about. Universal Tour Guides are part of a union, meaning we’re scheduled based on seniority. When you’re not scheduled you can call in and pick up a shift via a random drawing of everyone who calls in… I get lucky and pick up extra shifts about a third of the times I try; last week they were so busy, they were calling me! Unbelievable!

Like I said in a previous post, it’s Murphy’s Law! I’m trying to stay positive, but when I look at the list of things above that I missed over the past two weeks and my empty schedule this week, I can’t help but feel like the odds are against me.

I also can’t help but feel emptiness in and hatred for my LA apartment. While I try not to be materialistic, it’s more than that... Being home reminded me that my life in LA seems like a domestic step backward. I feel like I’m in college again – sharing a small apartment, having my desk and virtually all my possessions in my small bedroom, storing my socks and undies in plastic drawers instead of a real dresser, with bedding and d├ęcor that is my girly personal style, as opposed to the more neutral, refined, shared style my man and I created in our home.

I need to realize that apartment living is not “college living,” rather, it’s “city living.” But having grown up in a big farm house, then living in a suburban, soccer mom paradise for the past four years, I don’t have anything else with which to associate this. I go back and forth – trying to remind myself it’s only temporary, then wanting to do things to improve it… but improvement and comforts cost money… which would be fine for someone starting on their own, but I have a whole house full of things that will eventually be here, making it stupid for me to buy duplicates…

I guess the bottom line is that being home reminded me how different and crappy my life is in LA, compared to the companionship and comforts I have in Ohio.

Here’s a post about my apartment that I wrote on back in May or June; I didn’t publish it, in attempts to stay positive, but today that’s a lost cause…

My New Apartment

With both time and money limitations, my roommate and I couldn’t be too picky when it came to our new apartment. We are grateful to have found a place in our budget that has our top priorities: gated entry, second floor, gated and covered parking, central air conditioning, desirable location, two bedrooms and two bathrooms.

However, once I finished moving in last Monday, I realized it’s a little rough around the edges. Mind you, I am NOT complaining. If I wanted a cushy life, I would have stayed in Ohio. I’m here to work and I know this place really is great in many, many ways. For memories sake though, I have to record the facts… I’ll phrase them in positive ways just for fun!

My shower head/stall makes me feel really tall!

The kitchen window faces north, which is great because I like to have my African violet in the kitchen and its purple blooms compliment the... interesting... mauve countertops!

Letting my roommate have the master bedroom with fabulous walk in closet and attached bathroom makes me feel like a kind and giving person.

Sliding vertical blinds in all the windows are nifty, especially in my bedroom!

There’s not an outgoing mail slot, which is awesome because I’ll get exercise walking to a mailbox or post office!

I’m glad there’s absolutely no lighting in my bedroom, shopping for lamps was fun, I totally had the time and extra money to do that!

I like that the A/C vents into our bedrooms don't work so well, making them 10* hotter than the living room, it's like a free sauna!

It's fantastic being right above the crazy apartment manager, I feel so safe... and quiet!


Anonymous said...

Okay, not trying to be hard on you or anything but is there a way you can get those messages while you are away?

Anonymous said...

When it comes to the "way of life" in CA and OH, you must keep in mind the cost of living the same lifestyle is way different in these two states. And, don't let it get you down! ;)

Anonymous said...

I got all the messages, but there still wasn't anything I could do about it.

None of the opportunities were big enough to justify the crazy cost of a last minute plane ticket! Missing the PBS show callback just plain sucks... If it were a second or third round call back I may have tried to get back for it, but in this case they hadn't said how much it would pay and I was only given 24 hours notice!


Anonymous said...

It's not hard to keep the cost differences in mind - they're always been thrown in your face! LOL!

We joke that if we could just pick our Ohio home up and move it to LA, it would be worth 3 or 4 million!